


Sense

by BuckysBabe



Series: Trying to make sense of it all (with you by my side) [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, LGBTQ Character of Color, and since this fic is also pretty self-indulgent, lgbtqa+ reader, self-questioning, woohoo i wrote something not sad for once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-21 17:24:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8254159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckysBabe/pseuds/BuckysBabe
Summary: Reader is confused and so is Bucky. This is them trying to make sense of things and realising that perhaps it makes more sense to not make sense. At least in the conventional sense.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is incredibly self-indulgent and for that i apologise.

You lay with your head resting on Bucky's chest, both of you trying to catch your heaving breaths, as you gently played with the sweat-matted strands of hair that were falling into his eyes. To be completely honest it had been a while since he'd last had a hair cut, maybe too long, and really he should do something about it but right now he had more pressing matters to attend to. Namely the fact that he was confused about what you two were.

“Y/N?” Bucky started off in a quiet voice and you knew immediately that it wasn’t a good sign. Bucky wasn’t necessarily a loud person by nature but he was most definitely always comfortable with voicing his thoughts and opinions – at least with you. For him to come across as quiet – and almost nervous – like this meant he'd been doing some serious thinking. Which usually meant trouble for you. You still couldn't quite believe that you let him talk you into getting a tattoo with him because Bucky had been too scared to do it alone. You one hundred percent blamed Bucky's ridiculously squishy cheeks and his super effective pouting game for that particularly escapade. Goddamn that unnecessarily cute man.

“Yeah, Buck?” You tried to reply in the kindest voice you could muster. You were known for being quite brash and curt but that didn't mean you were an asshole. You could feel some of the tension in Bucky's shoulders leave him when he heard the tone of your voice, so you carried on playing with his hair in a bid to communicate to him that he didn't need to be nervous about talking to you. Your free hand began to softly run up and down Bucky's exposed chest, reassuring him that whatever was bothering him was okay and that he could talk to you.

“... what are we?” The question hit you unexpectedly and your hands stilled momentarily but when you felt Bucky tense underneath you, you made a conscious effort to continue your ministrations. You had secretly been dreading the day Bucky would ask you this question, and every day you'd been counting your blessing that it hadn't happened sooner. You didn't really know how Bucky would take what you were about to tell him – things had been so different in his time and you were worried he wouldn't understand – or even worse accept – what you were about to tell him. To be honest, sometimes it was hard for you to understand yourself. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt his feelings or make him uncomfortable.

A heavy silence ensued, though it wasn't exactly uncomfortable. Bucky leant back slightly to rest his weight on his elbow, giving him the leverage to angle his head down and scrutinise your expressions. You had a slight furrow to your brow, seemingly thinking hard of how to answer Bucky's question. Minutes passed before you looked into Bucky's eyes and made a soft sound, though he didn't know whether it was in trepidation or concession.

“I... I-I don't know, Bucky. I love spending time with you, not just like this but in general. Don't tell any of the others, especially Sam, that I said this or I swear to God I'll kill you but you're my favourite. I just don't...” you waved the hand that wasn't still stroking Bucky's chest vaguely in the air, seemingly at a loss as to how to continue but Bucky simply gave you a soft smile in encouragement, showing you he wasn't hurt.

“I don't do relationships? I think... It's kinda hard to explain...” you muttered in a small voice. Bucky noted that you didn't sound unsure of what you were saying but, rather, you seemed unsure of the reaction your words would get. Bucky didn't know a whole lot about your past but he did know that you'd lost many friends around you and he now had an inkling that it had something to do with this conversation; or rather with what was still going to come up in it.

“It's okay, doll. Just try your best to explain to me and I'll try to understand.” Bucky said as he reached down and gently removed your hand from his chest, cradling it softly in both of his and giving it an encouraging squeeze.

“Okay... well you know how there are different kind of sexual attractions? And I don't just mean being heterosexual or homosexual.” You asked Bucky in a serious voice. He nodded vehemently, all the while still holding onto your hand.

“Yes, baby. There are pansexual people and asexual people and demi-sexual people and loads of others, right?” Bucky asked in curious voice, not exactly knowing where this was going but not feeling entirely out of his depth. Once he'd come out of cyro for definite Steve had had a conversation about something like this with him. While Bucky didn't consider himself an expert or anything close to that, he had made the effort to research and learn about different kinds of sexual orientation. Except he had never thought the same concept applied to romantic attraction, which in hindsight, was kind of really ignorant of him.

“Yeah.” You sighed deeply. “Well, basically the same kind of thing goes for romantic attraction. The problem is that I just don't really know where I fit in...” You said, staring at your own lap, afraid to look Bucky directly in the eyes just in case you'd managed to somehow hurt his feelings.

“How do you mean, doll?” Bucky asked without missing a beat, concern lacing his tone. He didn't take offence at you essentially turning him down but, rather, he was more worried that you were struggling to find a romantic identity that really described how you felt. Your heart fluttered yet again in your chest, the way it so often did when you were with Bucky, confusing you all the more. Especially in the context of this conversation.

“I used to think I was aromantic but that was before I met you... Now I'm not so sure? I don't necessarily want a romantic relationship with you but I definitely don't just wanna be friends, y'know? I don't know if I'm grayromantic or demiromantic. Sometimes I just think I'm aromantic...” You rambled, though at this point it seemed more like you were talking to yourself than talking to Bucky.

“What... do those even mean, doll? I mean aromantic is pretty self explanatory but the others...” Bucky asked after a few moments of silence. He had an inkling of what those terms meant, but at the very same time he didn’t want to make assumptions so asking seemed like the best option.

“Well grayromantic means that I very rarely experience romantic attraction but that doesn't seem right because I've never felt romantic attraction to anyone before. Demiromantic would mean that I can feel romantic attraction only after I've made an emotional connection with someone. Which kinda makes sense, I guess?” You attempted to explained in a calm voice, a light pink blush dusting your cheeks.

“Kinda?” Bucky echoed confusedly.

“Well, I only really started feeling this way about you a couple of months ago and by that time you'd somehow managed to worm your way into my life.” You admitted, even more shyly if possible, ducking your head and getting quieter with every word. You refused to look up, mainly because what previously could have been classified as a delicate blush was now a fully raging inferno colouring your face beetroot – not very cool at all.

“Oh, okay. So what you're saying is that you couldn't resist me?” Bucky chuckled in a delighted voice, eyes sparkling in mischief.

“James Buchanan Barnes. I swear on all that is holy I will inflict a world of pain on you, you terrible old man...” You groaned in exasperation though your chest did the fluttering thing again. Goddamn Bucky.

“I was joking, doll! Really!” Bucky exclaimed, though one look at his face clearly told that you that Bucky wasn't upset in the slightest and also that he knew there was some level of truth to his teasing words.

“Hmph...” You grumbled.

“Also doll, if we're talking physical age you're literally a couple of years younger than me so if I'm a terrible old man you can be my terrible old woman! ” Bucky tagged on cheekily, his eyes scrunching up and wow. That heart fluttering thing was really escalating. You were definitely going to have to find a way to stop that maybe. Or at the very least not let Bucky find out. Or Sam. Or Tony.

“Get out. Get out of my house. Right now.” You whispered in an exasperated voice but Bucky only laughed in response before unceremoniously falling on top of you and burying his head in the crook of your neck.


End file.
